Sunset

Last night there was an amazing sunset. It illuminated the whole sky with its vibrant colors. Very magical, worth taking a picture of.

Missing Parts

This is another poem that someone recently shared....

Missing Parts by Kris Heims
God looked down, another child complete,
A smile so perfect, a temper so sweet.
But baby looked and some parts were gone,
Did God mess up and make me wrong?
God just looked at this perfect child,
He explained Himself as He just smiled.
"If I'd taken time to make that part,
you wouldn't be such a work of art."
I would not have had time to make that smile,
To list your talents would last a mile.
Your sense of humor, that belly laugh,
Where are these parts, you have to ask?
You are so lucky, these gifts of gold,
Those missing parts are mine to hold.
Forever they'll be, close to my heart,
So as you live, we are never apart.
Each time I move, you'll be on my mind,
You special child, you are quite the find!
So do not miss that part, you see,
It will always be safe and sound with me."

Welcome to Holland

This poem was my savior.....

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
byEmily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Happy 3rd Carson

3 years ago today, Carson was born. This was when our lives changed and on the outlook on life changed. Giving birth should be one of your happiest days of life. Mine was a nightmare. The labor was fast and short. Started with my water breaking at home and ending 2.5 hours later after a natural labor/delivery. The labor part was easy and relatively painless, I kid you not. It was a pure dream labor. Only pain I felt was delivering. More pain than normal since he decided he wanted to have his arm/hand next to his face when being born. When he was born we had a shock, everyone in the delivery room did too. He was born with one of his arms missing below the elbow. All I could remember is just staring at his 'arm' and blinking and looking at it to see if I dreamt it or not. No, his arm was still like that. My heart sank, my happiest day turned into a nightmare. I didn't give birth to a 'normal' looking child, I delivered a 'dis'abled child. Soon after we were bombarded with info and appts and xrays. The dr sent my placenta off to be examined for amniotic bands, which there were none of. The dr went back and check on the u/s pics, nothing showed. It just happened and no one knows why...Congenital. From then on I put on a 'happy and nothings wrong' face. I was crying and screaming on the inside but was too stubborn to show what I was feeling. I didn't want to feel defeated. Only place that I showed feelings were in mwhen I took baths and at night when I quietly cried myself to sleep everynight. I pleaded with God to wake me up from ths nightmare. I just looked at his future 'dis'abilites instead of his abilities. I had so much anger towards Carson, myself, and God. It didn't help that Carson had BAD reflux, colic, had a horrible sounding cry, and hated to sleep. I didn't want to be with Carson at all. The first 5 months of Carson's life was a blurr. Pictures don't do justice. And it kills me that I can't remember. All I want to do is to go back and change the way I thought and felt. All of his 'dis'abilites that I thought of back them....are his abilities now. There is not one thing that he can't do. He is my Knight in shining armor. Wouldn't change a thing.

Happy 3rd Birthday Carson. Hope all your wishes and dreams come true. Love ya punks!

Tooth #2

A couple days ago, another tooth broke through. Her bottom right. Now she has both bottom left and right now.
And Im getting extra exercise in from the adventurous Kianna, the pulling up queen which makes everything game, and the fastest crawler in the Midwest.

One last note....nightlights are weapons. Just ask Isaac, he'll show you proof.

Pulling up... in motion

The top 3 pictures are from today. And the bottom 2 are from yesterday, her first time pulling up.

2 days of milestones

Its been a big 2 days here.....Kianna has been talking (dada and lala,... over and over again-so cute) and she is pulling herself up to things (got in-motion pics but still in camera). No wonder she has been a pill right before this happened. And I noticed her crawling is now starting to look kinda like crab walking. Also I think she grew over night too. She looks bigger today than yesterday (taller and her hands bigger).
I think I can't take anymore of this growing up business of hers. S-l-o-w down. The only thing about her (besides more teeth) that can hurry up and grow faster, is her hair. I can't wait to start playing around with it. Other than that, stop growing.